Sometimes Sorries Are Not Enough!
Feeling so guilty. How can i do this? Have i gone to nuts? Have all my manners and etiquette left me alone with all such irresponsible disposition? Where is my sociability? Am i such a goofy girl? What has happened to me? Are those horoscopic disorders still working on me?...........Don't know yaar. But this is not me. Something is really wrong.
One of my friends got engaged one month before. Today she threw a party to all of us. Ours is a five friends flock. All three of us reached almost on the time and the engaged friend and my best friend were already there waiting for us. Actually my bf lives nearby. In fact in the same lane where our engaged friend lives. We received a warm welcome there. She gave us a full party. Lots of items there in the menu list. We hardly stayed three hours but enjoyment was surpassing all the time limit. There was fun, food and flashes, everything that one can expect from a celebration. Everyone enjoyed. I also tried to do the same. From the time of entering her house, i genuinely tried to enjoy the party. Yaa...TRIED. Initially, i didn't want to attend it. Actually, I am OK with bday bashes, success celebrations or any casual gathering but it was her ....u know what it was.....the very thing that would bring back all the troubling memories back. I searched for some excuses by which i could just call off going at her home. But, on the second thought i felt, that it wont be fair with her to skip this party, so i participated but with full preparations. I was carrying a to-do list in my mind. All i had to do was :- congratulating her, talking, teasing, laughing, cracking jokes, having served items, taking group pictures, calling on my bf's home, meeting her mumma and at last 'Home sweet Home'. That's all. I was prepared.
I managed to be happy there, i was teasing her on occasions, i laughed whenever need forced me to do that , i smiled at every suitable situation, i clicked and was clicked, without once denying i did all that was expected from me because i knew it was her special day and i did not wanna spoil the smile on her face. I did not want to make them feel my situation and my uneasiness. So i was doing the needful. Photo session went OK, food session went OK. Everything went OK except one thing. One important thing. The second last thing of my list. I simply forgot to visit her place. It was .......sorry, not was it IS a great blunder. How could this happen? But it did happen in spite of my double careful mind. All the time i was checking my to-do list. All the time i was rewinding things in my mind. All the time i was listening to my mind. Then, how was it possible?
I think ......all such considerations so much overpowered me that i forgot that. I just forgot to pay a visit at my Bestie's home. I did not called on her house despite of being in her locality. All my efforts for being normal there made me to commit an abnormal mistake. All my mind managements made such a big fuss. That's why people say , listen to your heart not mind while dealing with your dear ones. Its a big lesson for me.
By the time i realised my mistake, it was too late to make any amendments. I apologised her and she simply forgave me. Still, there is a guilt feeling with me. The only solution is the penning down of my blunders and accepting my mistakes.
It is true that true friends accept each other with all their flaws n features. And i m damn confident that u have forgiven me for this but still i want to assure u that these flaws are not inborn. I m not like this. This is just an effect of one bad chapter which was accidentally pinned up in my life-book. I am trying to remove all the dark shades of that additional part. Till then excuse me if i am again at mistake. I wont say you a sorry because SOMETIMES SORRies ARE NOT ENOUGH.
PS:- We are BFFs, right? BFs' relationship is not a brittle bond. So, i feel free to make a complain. I think you should have reminded me when i was making mistake. Because, between us it doesn't matter who says first, all that matters is our meeting, our b'ful BFF friendship. So, please from now onwards don't keep tasting me ;-)
